Author: 颜凉雨 / Yan Liang Yu

Translator: Kinky || https://kinkytranslations.com/

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Chapter 9

After watching his three companions enter the cave, Ran Lin waited for another thirty minutes. He just sat idly in front of the cave entrance, exchanging glances with the circle of show crew members around him.

The bearded cameraman remained diligent with his filming. With no other choice, Ran Lin studied the map for half an hour, occasionally looking up at the camera to complain about his burning desire to start the adventure.

When the director finally said he could go in, Ran Lin felt like he had been granted amnesty.

The cave was cool, and the deeper he went, the more colorful the lighting became. Various shapes of stalactites filled the cave, creating a dreamlike and magical scene under the colored lights.

Being off-season, the cave was quieter, with fewer tourists. Ran Lin first headed to a prominently marked spot on the map, only to find the badge had already been taken, leaving behind an empty box.

Ran Lin stopped and chose a brightly lit spot to study the map again. He finally decided to take a different approach.

Even though the map was crowded with tiny, dense annotations of over a dozen locations, making it hard to match each spot with its adjacent names, Ran Lin noticed some intriguing words: “Taking you into the pit, flying with you.”

Compared to names like “Great Immortal Peach”, or “Black Dragon Head”, or “Triple Flower Liquor”, which clearly referred to scenic spots or commercial points, these words exuded a mysterious charm. More importantly, there were 5 badges at this location—5!

After studying the map back and forth for a few minutes, Ran Lin had an epiphany and immediately started running back the way he came.

Bearded Cameraman Sun, not understanding why his subject suddenly turned into a frenzied rabbit, had no choice but to chase after him with his equipment.

Ran Lin quickly ran back outside the cave—he hadn’t gone far in—and bypassed the cave entrance to run uphill! Beside the entrance was a winding path leading to the highest point on this side of the bank.

The rest of the guests were inside the cave, so the planning team and even the production crew were a bit puzzled as to why he ran out and seemed to be getting further away. They needed to control all aspects and processes of the show, but they might not remember every specific point on the map, even if the planning department briefed them.

Ran Lin kept running uphill and finally saw what he was looking for—a vertical sightseeing elevator!

While waiting at the cave entrance earlier, he had almost memorized the scenic area’s advertisements, one of which mentioned a sea-land-air viewing experience. “Sea” was obvious, referring to boat rides on the dark river. “Land” was understandable with the indication of a small train entering the cave and the option to walk. But the “air” part was intriguing.

Considering the cave’s internal landscape, viewing it from a plane was out of the question. So, how could one achieve a high-altitude downward view?

Ran Lin was puzzled when entering the cave, but after seeing “Taking you into the pit, flying with you” and connecting the dots, he realized. The cave entrance wasn’t the only entry point; the location marked with those words was another entrance, one that could bring visitors in from above!

Admittedly, one could find the elevator inside the cave and ascend from below. But from where Ran Lin was, turning back outside and running up was faster. Moreover, the marking was “Taking you into the pit”, not “Taking you out of the pit”. The badges were likely hidden at the “high entrance”!

After running breathlessly to the elevator, it was still ascending from below and hadn’t reached the ground yet.

Ran Lin looked around and finally saw a corner of the program’s logo behind a medium-sized rock!

Ran Lin was overjoyed, his heart pounding with excitement, completely forgetting that this was just a show being recorded. In his heart, he repeatedly wished that the box wasn’t empty, with special earnestness. It was like returning to childhood when a single game was a whole world, and one could get passionately caught up in winning or losing with friends.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of the sightseeing elevator arriving. As he was about to step forward and check the box, Ran Lin was distracted and turned around.

Through the transparent elevator door, he saw a striking figure in bright green—Lu Yiyao, unmistakable for his flamboyant color.

Their eyes met through the glass, both surprised and stunned.

As the elevator door slowly opened, both of them reacted.

Ran Lin bolted, probably running the fastest in his life. But Lu Yiyao, not to be outdone, squeezed through the partially opened door. Thanks to being four centimeters taller than Ran Lin, his long legs gave him an incredibly wide stride that was infuriatingly consistent, and he was about to catch up!

Both men pounced behind the rock at the same time.

The damned production team had only left a box there!

It was Ran Lin’s first time seeing a medal, and in his excitement, he had completely forgotten about the cameras. He just wanted to make a great start.

Lu Yiyao, on the other hand, had been tormented enough. Just when things were looking up, he was solely focused on performing even better, hoping in the end to throw the medals back in the production team’s face.

Being too serious could be a problem.

Especially when one serious person meets another.

The two men tangled with each other like basketball players fighting over a ball on the court, each employing every trick in the book for the sake of possession.

If this were a basketball game, the referee would have blown the whistle by now.

But this was a variety show, and the director not only hadn’t kept up, but even if he had, he would have been delighted by the scene.

So in the struggle, the lid of the box flew off.

The box itself was also deformed in the fray.

And to make matters worse, the box that was supposed to contain 5 badges only had one marked “worth 5”.

Could there be a bigger letdown?

“Stop, stop, stop—”

Ran Lin couldn’t take it anymore and gasped for a pause, of course, still clutching the badge.

Lu Yiyao was on top of him, arm reaching over the competitor’s body, also holding the badge.

It was a very ambiguous position.

But the two of them, in that moment and scene, from their bodies to their souls were filled with “badge” and “fuck the production team”, pure and candid as two rays of light between heaven and earth.

“We can’t keep fighting like this… It’s a waste of time and inefficient…” Ran Lin’s breathing steadied as he discussed a solution with the handsome face so close to his.

Lu Yiyao thought the other made sense. “If we damage it, the production team might invalidate this badge.”

Ran Lin was stunned. “They wouldn’t go that far, would they?”

Lu Yiyao shook his head with difficulty. “You’re too new to this game. There’s a lot you don’t understand.”

Ran Lin didn’t have the leisure to ponder the deeper meaning of Superstar Lu’s words. His only thought was to resolve the issue quickly. “You get up first, and then we’ll discuss a solution.”

Lu Yiyao raised an eyebrow, clearly not quite trusting him.

Ran Lin quickly realized this and hurriedly said, “Let’s put the badge aside and let go at the same time. I promise not to play tricks.”

Lu Yiyao hesitated for a moment, then half-doubtfully got up from Ran Lin, still clutching the badge.

As the pressure lifted off him, Ran Lin propped himself up with his arms.

Finally, the two good-looking, high-altitude male stars got up from the dirt, standing shoulder to shoulder, making a picturesque scene that could even be used for the program’s official announcement if not for the badge they were holding between them.

Of course, it would also work if the badge were rugged and handsome.

But this valuable 5+ badge had been made into a cute, yellow little star, which from afar looked like Patrick Star had been colored by SpongeBob SquarePants.

Ran Lin: “I’ll count one, two, three, and we let go together.”

Lu Yiyao: “Okay.”

The two crouched down together, solemnly and with a stern expression, placing the star on the ground an arm’s length away.

“One, two…”

“Three! Haha—”

Xia Xinran swooped in like a whirlwind, deftly stealing away the 5+ badge.

Lu Yiyao and Ran Lin looked at their own and each other’s empty hands, simultaneously thinking of the words—death from talking too much.

It was just a badge; they should not have turned it into an Infernal Affairs* rooftop showdown!

*Critically acclaimed Hong Kong film about two men, one a mole for the police department, while the other an undercover cop who infiltrated the triads. Through their actions, they risk exposing their other counterparts while being simultaneously unaware that they both have the same goal. There’s an American film that’s a remake of it called The Departed.

“Gu Jie!!!”

Xia Xinran’s smug laughter stopped abruptly, replaced by an angry roar.

Gu Jie, who had the upper hand, casually waved the 5+ badge in his hand with a rare smile on his rugged face, although still shallow. “Extreme joy turns to sorrow.”

Xia Xinran went crazy again.

Gu Jie didn’t play along with him; seeing the sightseeing elevator about to close, he dashed over and made it at the last second.

Xia Xinran was left jumping outside the elevator, with the cameraman assigned to him trying hard to stifle his laughter, almost unable to hold the camera steady.

“The oriole has escaped*.” Ran Lin, finally regaining his composure from the chaos, reminded Lu Yiyao.

*This is referencing the idiom “The praying mantis catches the cicada while the oriole follows”. It refers to while coveting the gains ahead, one should be aware of the dangers behind.

The latter dusted off the dirt from his clothes and said helplessly, “Us two cicadas might as well disperse too.”

Ran Lin glanced in Xia Xinran’s direction, asking, “Not going after the mantis?”

Lu Yiyao also looked over and couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m afraid of getting hurt by the sickle.”

This was the first time Lu Yiyao had joked with him. Ran Lin was a bit dazed as he watched the other’s lips curl into a smile.

Lu Yiyao’s smile was attractive and warm, and no matter how many times Ran Lin saw it, it was always good to see. Noticing Ran Lin’s gaze, Lu Yiyao subconsciously restrained his smile and coughed lightly. “I need to go down and continue looking for badges.” Without waiting for Ran Lin’s response, he headed for the sightseeing elevator.

Ran Lin watched as Lu Yiyao walked back to the elevator, passing by Xia Xinran. As another elevator ascended, Ran Lin quickly slipped in and returned to the cave.

What he didn’t know was that as soon as the elevator doors closed and it started to descend, Lu Yiyao’s expression changed from indifference to a conflicted look of wanting to speak but stopping himself. He alternated between frowning and pursing his lips, as if there were two souls inside him at war.

The cameraman following Lu Yiyao captured all the subtle emotional fluctuations through his lens. But he couldn’t delve into Lu Yiyao’s heart to truly understand these micro-expressions.

If there was a mind-reading device in the world, it would surely hear the scolding voice against his chest at that moment—

I told you to stay away from him, and yet you ended up in his arms. Has the production team eaten your brain?

Lu Yiyao was a man with strict demands on himself.

He had a little person in his heart who always helped him reflect.

In the following time, there wasn’t much spark among the five male stars.

Firstly, the cave was winding with three levels, so it wasn’t always possible to meet; secondly, as the remaining badges became scarce, it took longer to find one, and everyone’s spirits were no longer high.

In the end, the medal count was Ran Lin with 5, Zhang Beichen with 7, Xia Xinran with 9, Lu Yiyao with 13, and Gu Jie with 16.

The 5+ gold badge became the key to victory.

Thus, when the results were announced, Xia Xinran wailed again.

Gu Jie initially ignored it, but as Xia Xinran showed no signs of stopping, he frowned slightly and offered a mild warning to his relentless partner. “I don’t know what the privilege of victory will be used for tomorrow. Do you think it could be to assign a punishment to one of the others at will?”

Xia Xinran shut his mouth.

So quickly, in fact, that he choked.

Ran Lin, who had been watching the whole process with peripheral vision and catching every word, pressed his lips tight to keep from showing his amusement too obviously. Xia Xinran naively thought Gu Jie was taciturn and had a gentle temper.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Gu Jie’s low-key silence wasn’t due to a good temper, just that he couldn’t be bothered to argue. His character was in high agreement with his image: a straightforward guy, not fussy, without too much hassle.

But if you nagged and annoyed him, he would assure you with one sentence to shut you up and keep you from daring to bounce around again.

The cruise ship was still waiting at the shore, but this time, the staff boarded the cruise ship, and the five stars had to switch to rafts.

There was only one boatman and one program crew member on the raft.

Before boarding the cruise ship, the female host announced the next surprise—all had to follow the boatman’s instructions to paddle the bamboo rafts downstream to Yangdi Pier. The order of arrival at the pier would determine the order of room selection for the night’s accommodation.

In other words, how well tonight would be spent depended on this effort!

So why wait? It’s time for a little bamboo rafting trip down the river.

The five male stars clumsily boarded the bamboo rafts, while the cameramen, who had already scouted the location with the production team, followed their stars with agility, even with equipment in hand.

The boatman began to teach the stars how to paddle. Zhang Beichen learned the fastest and was the first to leave the pier.

Ran Lin was third, closely following Gu Jie ahead of him.

After the three rafts had drifted far away, Lu Yiyao and Xia Xinran’s raft finally set off with difficulty.

But those who had drifted out were not faring well.

Ran Lin didn’t know about the others, but after just fifteen minutes of paddling, his forehead began to sweat, his hands gripping the bamboo pole were tingling with pain, and his arms, which were making large movements, were sore and numb.

What was even more frustrating was that the raft seemed to spin more than it progressed; it might actually be better to let it drift on its own.

This lasted for an hour.

Just when Ran Lin felt he was at his limit, the staff member, who had been sitting quietly on the boat, suddenly smiled brightly. “Actually, our bamboo raft can be powered by a motor.”

Ran Lin knew this; the motor was installed at the rear of the raft and clearly visible. However, he thought the purpose of this segment was to paddle manually, without using the motor.

Now, the staff member, who had been as quiet as a mascot for sixty minutes, mysteriously informed him that the motor could be used. Anyone with an IQ over twenty would suspect a catch.

“But first, you need to play a small game. Only after passing it can you use the motor.”

Ran Lin wasn’t surprised.

“A rapid-fire Q&A for sixty seconds. We will ask fifteen questions, and if you can answer ten within sixty seconds, you pass. You only get one chance, so good luck!”

Handing back the bamboo pole, Ran Lin took the question sheet prepared by the staff, keeping the printed side down to prevent cheating.

“Are you ready?” The staff member smiled enigmatically.

Swallowing nervously, Ran Lin replied, “Yes.”

“Ready, go!”

As the stopwatch started, Ran Lin flipped the A4 sheet and began reading rapidly, racing against time—

“Your favorite color… Blue!”

“Your favorite food… Steamed buns!”

“The kind of man you admire… Loyal!”

“The kind of woman you admire… Confident!”

“The male artist in the mainland entertainment industry you admire the most… Oh no, that’s a trap, pass!”

“The female artist in the mainland entertainment industry you admire the most… Another trap, pass!”

“What do you want your fans to call you, Burning Noodles or Raging Fire… Better Burning Noodles, haha*.”

*Clarity: Burning Noodles/Face [Ran Mian] (燃面) vs Raging Fire [Lin Huo] (磷火). They are using homophones of his name Ran (冉) Lin (霖) as puns for his fanbase.

“What do you admire most about Lu Yiyao… Um, his accomplishments.”

“Do you have a girlfriend now… No!”

“When was your first love… High school!”

“How many girlfriends have you had… None!”

“Your favorite…”

“Time’s up!” The staff member stopped the stopwatch, grinning. “Sixty seconds, nine questions answered, just one short.”

Ran Lin put down the A4 sheet, feeling drained both physically and emotionally, and sadly asked, “Can’t you make an exception for my sincere answers?”

The staff member shook his head regretfully.

Ran Lin felt like crying.

“It’s not entirely impossible…” the staff member added, changing his tone. Ran Lin waited eagerly.

“Can you assure that all your answers were sincere?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’ll add one more question. If you can answer it, you pass.”

Ran Lin handed over the question sheet without hesitation. “Ask anything.”

The staff member didn’t take the sheet but pointed at it. “Before I ask, can you repeat the answers to the tenth and eleventh questions?”

Confused, Ran Lin complied: “When was your first love? High school. How many girlfriends have you had? None.”

After repeating, Ran Lin understood.

The staff member chuckled. “My question is, please explain.”

Ran Lin answered sincerely, “My first love happened in high school. It was unrequited and unsuccessful.”

The staff member said, “…Master*, start the motor!”

*[Shifu] It’s a respectful term, when used in modern day, to refer to a skilled worker or craftsman, thus addressing them as a master or expert in their profession—in this case, the ferryman.

As the motor started and a cool breeze brushed his face, Ran Lin felt a long-missed comfort. Whoever set these questions truly understood him. Any slight change in wording, and he might have fallen into a trap.

In the rush of the moment, he had little time to judge whether a question was safe to answer. Except for the ones about favorite male and female artists, which were clearly traps, the rest were risky. Moreover, his principle was to be as honest as possible, avoiding lies unless absolutely necessary.

So, if those two questions were slightly altered—

“Where did your first love happen?”

“How many people have you dated?”

His answers might have been completely different.

His first love happened in the boys’ dormitory in high school. It was unrequited and unsuccessful.

He had two online relationships. One ended before meeting because he hesitated to send a photo and got ruthlessly blocked; the other was a college mate, who, during their first date at a movie, sneakily texted a casual partner. He could’ve pretended to go to the bathroom to text, but in the dark cinema, his phone screen shone like a searchlight, making it impossible not to notice.

As the wind grew colder, Ran Lin gazed at the scenery of the Li River, wiping the cold sweat from his forehead.

That was close.

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Kinky Thoughts:

Oh. I’m glad we got his sexual orientation all sorted out already.

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