Author: 反舌鸟 / Mockingbird

Translator: Kinky || https://kinkytranslations.com/
Editor: Eli

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Chapter 39

Time flew by, and Jiang Yu’s group released another EP on the same day Zhong Mo’s talent show aired.

Zhong Mo’s fans posted large posters cursing the company for being so stupid. Jiang Yu even took the time to read through them. The gist was that at such a crucial time when Zhong Mo needed votes and funding, the company had the nerve to release an EP, distracting the fans and asking for money. It was outrageous. They concluded by stating firmly that they wouldn’t spend a penny on this EP, and even if Zhong Mo’s sales ranking fell to the bottom, it wouldn’t matter because it didn’t represent their support.

It made sense, and thus Jiang Yu became the sales champion again. Besides Zhong Mo’s contribution, Jiang Yu’s variety show also had an impact, and his drama was starting to gain traction. Apart from Yu Ruoyun, the main lead, Jiang Yu had quite a bit of screen time and posters, attracting some new fans. He had also taken the art exam and was waiting to pass.

Some people congratulated Jiang Yu, and he listened with a pleasant smile. “Thank you. I’ll keep working hard.” But once seated, he found himself staring blankly.

It all seemed meaningless, Jiang Yu thought. The money he received wouldn’t increase, nor would his resources improve—this company didn’t have any good resources anyway. Releasing a few more solo singles? It wasn’t like anyone outside his fanbase would listen.

But his mood wasn’t bad. Jiang Yu thought, he really had lowered his ambitions.

He messaged Yu Ruoyun, complaining about the terrible boxed meals and the non-stop schedule, finally mentioning casually, “The episode you were in has aired. Have you seen it?”

But Yu Ruoyun didn’t reply.

Jiang Yu pondered. Although he didn’t have Yu Ruoyun’s schedule down to the minute, he knew Yu Ruoyun wasn’t filming anything new. He waited a while, sent a few more irrelevant messages, and waited some more. Estimating that even if he was recording a show, it should be over by now, he still didn’t get a reply.

The unease in Jiang Yu’s heart swelled like a balloon, making him restless. He was about to go on stage but kept calling.

At first, the phone was off. After a while, it rang but went unanswered. At least the phone was on now. Feeling somewhat relieved, he continued calling persistently.

Finally, it was answered, but it wasn’t Yu Ruoyun’s voice. It was Qi Yiren saying, “Will you stop? He’s in a meeting.”

Jiang Yu was stunned and asked, “What meeting?”

Qi Yiren was impatient. “If you paid attention to current events and had some social awareness, you’d know what meeting is happening now.”

Jiang Yu said, “Sorry, I really don’t.”

Since Yu Ruoyun was fine, Jiang Yu felt somewhat at ease and started chatting with Qi Yiren.

Qi Yiren said, “No wonder he told me to remember to charge his phone.”

‘Out of battery?’ Jiang Yu thought, ‘Yu Ruoyun’s habit is really bad. What celebrity doesn’t have more than one phone?’ But he hadn’t expected Yu Ruoyun to attend such a meeting. Jiang Yu didn’t care about current events and had little political awareness. When he remembered, he realized something was happening, but when he didn’t, he forgot completely.

“He just told me he was going home for a few days. How was I supposed to know he went back to attend the Two Sessions?” Jiang Yu felt wronged, but it was indeed something Yu Ruoyun would do: read classics, become a CPPCC member, and be very politically correct. Jiang Yu used to say Yu Ruoyun was just fishing for fame.

“Of course you wouldn’t know.” Qi Yiren’s tone was somewhat contemptuous. “You only know how to keep calling when the phone doesn’t connect. Do you know…”

“I’m hanging up,” Jiang Yu said. “I’m about to go on stage.”

“I’m telling you…”

“Remember to tell Yu Ruoyun to call me back,” Jiang Yu said before rushing to the stage.

After his performance, a staff member asked him, “Xiao Yu, are you very hot?”

“Huh?” Jiang Yu didn’t react.

“You were sweating a lot,” the staff said. “Your eye makeup smudged on stage. We were worried you were feeling unwell.”

It was strange. Long Xingyu wiped his forehead, realizing the sweat had soaked his hair. “It’s nothing. Maybe I was too nervous just now.”

He lied smoothly, and no one said anything more. He sat down to drink water, only to be glanced at by Lu Zheming.

Backstage, Lu Zheming finally asked him, “Who were you calling non-stop earlier?”

Jiang Yu didn’t hide it from his sharp teammate, especially since Lu Zheming had heard the rumors. “My boyfriend.”

It had been fifty minutes, and his boyfriend hadn’t called back, showing how long this meeting was.

“Don’t act so surprised. He was busy and didn’t answer, so I kept calling,” Jiang Yu said. “It’s fine now.”

After speaking, Jiang Yu lowered his head, turning his wrist over and staring at it.

When he woke up, the wound hadn’t healed. It was deep, so even slight movements caused pain. He couldn’t sleep and cursed the body’s owner for choosing such an extreme way out. He was sick, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and even simple tasks like memorizing lines took tremendous effort, all while pretending everything was fine. He felt he had endured so much, yet Long Xingyu had ended his life so easily.

Later, he realized he wasn’t questioning Long Xingyu. He was questioning himself. He had the same thoughts but hadn’t acted on them.

After the scar removal, Jiang Yu got a tattoo on his wrist to cover the marks. The tattoo artist said it was difficult, but he insisted. Now, if you looked closely, you could still see the scars.

“Turns out not being able to reach someone on the phone is really annoying,” Jiang Yu said softly.

Jiang Yu was different. He had multiple phones, personal and work ones, unlike Yu Ruoyun. So that night, did Yu Ruoyun keep calling, switching numbers, and trying nonstop?

Qi Yiren handed the phone back to Yu Ruoyun. “Long Xingyu wants you to call him back.”

“Okay.” Yu Ruoyun looked at the messages. “Thanks.”

Qi Yiren couldn’t help but say, “Mr. Yu, sometimes I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

Yu Ruoyun was quite surprised. “You can ask me.”

If it were easy to ask, she wouldn’t be struggling so much. After hesitating, Qi Yiren finally said, “I don’t know what Jiang Yu means to you.”

Liking Jiang Yu more wasn’t just because he gave more money; Jiang Yu wasn’t a bad person. Especially after his death, thinking back on things brought a mix of nostalgia and regret. As a newcomer, she had made mistakes several times, thinking she’d lose her job, ready to pack up and leave. But Jiang Yu just kept his usual annoyed demeanor and told her to get back to work.

“Today, I saw reporters interviewing you,” Qi Yiren said. “You mentioned a proposal for better crisis intervention for bipolar disorder. The reporter thought it was strange, as it didn’t seem related to you. Why would you bring this up? At such times, I feel you still remember him. But…”

But sometimes, it seemed Yu Ruoyun had moved on, starting a new life. When mentioning that Long Xingyu was waiting for his call, Yu Ruoyun’s demeanor changed entirely.

A year ago, when Qi Yiren received Yu Ruoyun’s invitation, she had some expectations. But she quickly found that the famous, dedicated Yu Ruoyun was much quieter than she imagined. He didn’t talk much, sometimes seemed absent-minded, and didn’t smoke in front of them but had a faint smell of cigarettes. She had seen his cigarette pack, the same brand her former boss liked. He wasn’t very enthusiastic about work. Sometimes, she felt he was just like any white-collar worker forcing themselves to work—like a functioning machine, not the sharp genius in front of the camera. Jiang Yu often mocked Yu Ruoyun, but among competitors, he seemed to only respect Yu Ruoyun.

But the Yu Ruoyun Jiang Yu respected seemed to have disappeared. Now, Yu Ruoyun had a new life, a new partner, and was even relaunching his career, all without any connection to Jiang Yu anymore. Even Qi Yiren herself was starting to warm up to Long Xingyu, despite their frequent clashes. Sometimes, she even felt that Long Xingyu had some resemblance to Jiang Yu.

Qi Yiren realized she wasn’t questioning Yu Ruoyun. She was resisting the fact that Jiang Yu had become a shadow in her past life. She hadn’t forgotten him, but gradually, there was no longer a need to bring him up.

“I don’t quite understand.” Yu Ruoyun looked at Qi Yiren. “Are you hoping for an explanation from me?”

When Yu Ruoyun spoke like this, it created a sense of distance. It wasn’t overbearing, but it was as if he was assessing whether Qi Yiren had the right to comment on his personal life. Qi Yiren wanted to act as if nothing had happened and continue interacting with the approachable side of the Film Emperor.

But the words had already been spoken, and Qi Yiren braced herself to continue. “I just hope… you don’t forget Jiang Yu.”

It was a very selfish and unreasonable request. She was moving on with her life, but she wanted at least one person to remember Jiang Yu, and she placed that expectation on Yu Ruoyun, making it so he couldn’t escape Jiang Yu’s memory.

For a moment, Yu Ruoyun felt a sense of familiarity. Someone else had asked him a similar question.

Before his identity was revealed, Jiang Yu stood at the hotel room door, hesitantly asking, “When will you forget him? Not the kind of forgetting where you lose your memory, but where you can remember but choose not to think about it anymore?”

Qi Yiren was innocent. She didn’t know the other side of the story. She was just a young girl, holding on to old feelings. But Jiang Yu and Qi Yiren’s demands were unnecessary. If Jiang Yu hadn’t reappeared, forgetting or remembering would have been the same—both would have required carving out a piece of his heart. He wouldn’t casually bring it up to anyone because it held no meaning.

“Do you remember when I visited the children with cancer?” Yu Ruoyun asked. “You prepared the gifts and donated some money. After seeing them, I went to the restroom, and a child next door knocked on the door, asking if I had any toilet paper. I gave it to him and saw him sitting on the toilet lid, with blood dripping from his nose. Yet, he was holding a phone, hiding in the bathroom to play ‘Honor of Kings’.”

Yu Ruoyun wiped the boy’s blood, and the boy said he didn’t want his parents to see because they would cry again. Yu Ruoyun told him, No, this can’t do, you should focus on getting better.

What did it mean to live on? Maybe it was to keep playing and pushing forward, because his team relied on him to rank up

In the days immediately after Jiang Yu’s death, Yu Ruoyun habitually opened their chat, where Jiang Yu would always send him something.

But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“That’s what death is,” Yu Ruoyun said.

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