Author: 反舌鸟 / Mockingbird

Translator: Kinky || https://kinkytranslations.com/
Editor: Eli

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Chapter 27

It was already very late, and the moon had risen, its light shining through the window onto Jiang Yu’s face.

Love could solve many problems, and sex could cover some others. Jiang Yu felt an overwhelming fatigue.They had one round at first. He was already tired from drinking, but Yu Ruoyun was different from before. Today, he wasn’t as considerate and was even somewhat forceful. He held Jiang Yu’s ankle, spreading his legs for another round. This time, he didn’t use protection and didn’t pull out before finishing. Like a small animal sensing danger, Jiang Yu instinctively struggled but was pinned down by Yu Ruoyun, unable to move. He quickly gave up resisting. Yu Ruoyun kissed him, from his ears to his eyes, and the tears Jiang Yu had been trying so hard to hold back finally fell due to the physical reaction. Yu Ruoyun said, “I fucked you to tears.”

In his previous life, Yu Ruoyun wouldn’t have done this. Of course, it felt good then too, but Yu Ruoyun was much gentler, never using dirty talk or leaving bruises on his waist and wrists, and he’d never felt this sensation of fluids leaking out of his aching hole. Surprisingly, this new experience felt good.

Jiang Yu sat up and realized Yu Ruoyun wasn’t asleep, just lying on his side with his back to him, holding something in his hand, seemingly a small bottle.

It looked familiar. Jiang Yu moved closer to read the label and then widened his eyes, reaching out to grab it.

Yu Ruoyun sensed the movement behind him, withdrew his arm, and turned to look at him. “Why are you snatching it from me?”

“What is that?” Jiang Yu gritted his teeth. “Why do you have this?!”

“Don’t worry.” Yu Ruoyun guessed what Jiang Yu was thinking and looked at him calmly. “I didn’t take any medicine. This isn’t my bottle. It’s yours.”

Jiang Yu stared at Yu Ruoyun helplessly. His last secret was now in Yu Ruoyun’s grasp, and he had thought it would never be discovered.

He felt utterly ashamed.

“What are you thinking?” Yu Ruoyun leaned against the wall, casually spinning the bottle. “Wondering how I found out? It’s simple. Qi Yiren told me.”

“That’s impossible. Qi Yiren would never…”

“You think she doesn’t know?” Yu Ruoyun said. “Yes, you hid it well, told no one, and even tore up the diagnosis. Who knows what underground route you used to get these prescription drugs? Playing doctor and self-medicating, leading to increasing irritability, sleepless nights, a worsening appetite, and weight loss until you were just skin and bones. I should have noticed earlier.”

Qi Yiren hadn’t intended to tell Yu Ruoyun. She wouldn’t gossip about her former boss to her current one. But Yu Ruoyun started acting strangely, getting involved with a much younger rookie and openly supporting him. This was Yu Ruoyun’s private life, and she had no right to interfere.

Until a few days ago.

While filming the final scene, Yu Ruoyun’s phone was still with Qi Yiren. She held it without putting it in her bag when a message popped up on the lock screen. Even without trying to read it, it caught her eye. It was from Jiang Yu.

[Jiang Yu: Are you coming back the day after tomorrow? Send me the flight number.]

[Jiang Yu: But I might not have time to come. Our group has another event, and we’re filming a new episode of the travel diary show.]

[Jiang Yu: Just send it to me first.]

Qi Yiren held the phone, read the messages, and looked up at Yu Ruoyun filming not far away.

It couldn’t be Jiang Yu. Besides the fact that Jiang Yu was dead, even when he was alive, he wasn’t in any group or participated in any travel variety show. The person fitting these characteristics was another young artist who looked somewhat like Jiang Yu, had just left the set, followed Yu Ruoyun around, and even entered his room.

From Qi Yiren’s perspective, this led to a sudden realization.

“So she came to confront me,” Yu Ruoyun said to Jiang Yu with a mixture of amusement and frustration.

“What?” Jiang Yu was increasingly confused.

“She said she found these bottles in Jiang Yu’s drawer after he died, and the company dissolved. She regretted it, thinking back to how she resented him for being so difficult in his last days, not realizing it was a cry for help.”

“What does that have to do with her…” Jiang Yu couldn’t help but say.

“Then she told me that even if I wanted to find a new lover, I shouldn’t use someone as a substitute, especially since I had changed Long Xingyu’s contact name to Jiang Yu. It was disrespectful to everyone. I didn’t know how to respond, didn’t want to respond, so I immediately changed my flight and came back to find you, missing the wrap party.” Yu Ruoyun continued to look at Jiang Yu. “That’s why I’m here.”

Is that so? Unable to wait a moment longer, he rushed back, hearing the beeping from the phone, seeing him still standing carelessly by the roadside, and pulled him back out of paranoia. For Jiang Yu, death was just an end, waking up to find himself dead. For Yu Ruoyun, it was a long, agonizing process.

Jiang Yu didn’t know what Yu Ruoyun was feeling when he returned. But just hours ago, Yu Ruoyun had said so much, almost baring his heart, yet Jiang Yu still hadn’t told him about this.

Confess, tell him. Jiang Yu’s heart urged. Telling Yu Ruoyun won’t kill you, and you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of him many times already.

“Yes, manic disorder. How funny. It sounds like an insult, and others have really used it to insult me,” Jiang Yu said. “Every day I wake up, I tell myself in the mirror that I’m not sick and that I’m perfectly healthy. I’m a top star now. I have to act and win awards; no one has the right to pity me.”

He looked at Yu Ruoyun’s upper body, his perfect physique marred by a scar on his shoulder. During a loss of control, Jiang Yu had bitten him, not playfully but hard enough to draw blood and almost tear off a chunk of flesh. He hadn’t even apologized, hiding in the bathroom afterward. Yu Ruoyun didn’t go to the hospital, bandaging himself instead. Jiang Yu wanted to ask about the wound, if it was infected, but the words were always stuck in his throat.

Jiang Yu couldn’t help but reach out, pressing his hand over the wound he had caused. “I always mess up,” he said dejectedly.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Yu Ruoyun said. He didn’t look at Jiang Yu’s but lowered his gaze to look at his pale hand. “I know you think I’m blaming myself, thinking it’s my fault for not noticing your illness. Of course, you’d think that. That’s how you see me. I also regret not letting you see another side of me.”

“Jiang Yu, who the hell gave you permission to die?” Yu Ruoyun looked up at Jiang Yu, who couldn’t help but meet his eyes.

No longer the gentle, almost cold gaze—he could even see… hatred.

Others might mourn and wonder why Jiang Yu died. Yu Ruoyun hated him for dying without permission.

The perfect, flawless statue had cracked since the day Jiang Yu died, and now it shattered completely, leaving fragments everywhere.

“I know your story,” Yu Ruoyun said, piecing together Jiang Yu’s life from his mother, his colleagues, and Jiang Yu himself. “When you saw me, you wanted to be me, chasing the light step by step. Because of me, you left home, started on this path, and became Jiang Yu in others’ eyes. Now let me tell you another story. Because of you, I became the Yu Ruoyun I am today.”

Jiang Yu blinked, not quite understanding what Yu Ruoyun was saying. He stayed still, feeling the blood rush to his head.

Yu Ruoyun leaned closer, biting his lip and murmuring, “You always forget to breathe while kissing. You never learn.”

Now didn’t seem like the right time to apologize, so Jiang Yu obediently kissed him.

“I should be out soliciting prostitutes,” Yu Ruoyun smiled after having a small taste of sweetness. “Or doing drugs. Making dirty jokes at dinner parties about young college girls. Do you think I’m talking nonsense? Thinking that it’d never happen?”

“Of course it’d never happen,” Jiang Yu said. Yu Ruoyun was never that kind of person.

“It’s impossible because you’re always watching me,” Yu Ruoyun said. “There are no perfect people in this world. Some want to step on me to rise, some use my name to attract investment. Some idiots cut my scenes to give others more screen time. I get angry too, wanting to retaliate. I could act like a diva, demand special treatment, fall into decadence after success. But Jiang Yu wouldn’t like that Yu Ruoyun. He was drawn to the light. He shouldn’t see the darkness.”

“I’ve been a good person for so long, and then you died. Who the hell gave you permission to die?”

This unreasonable accusation, hard to believe from Yu Ruoyun, was almost irrational. But Jiang Yu understood.

He always thought about starting over, abandoning the shattered past. Even he couldn’t stand himself. Looking back, he wondered how Yu Ruoyun endured it. He was utterly wrong. There was no starting over. Yu Ruoyun had always loved him.

What he thought was an unattainable cloud was left there for him to see. And when he turned away, the cloud fell.

Jiang Yu swallowed, feeling parched, his chaotic thoughts unable to form words.

“Yu Ruoyun,” Jiang Yu said, “I love you very much, in a way I can never express correctly. I used to think you stayed with me out of pity because I made a mess of my life.”

Yu Ruoyun looked at him, not entirely agreeing but not interrupting.

“Knowing that you love me is the sole reason my return here was worthwhile.”

And now, he should hold his breath and kiss Yu Ruoyun again.

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